Miss Independence August 19, 2010

Miss Lizzie finally has her braces off. So life can resume for her and the orthodontist can add a new room to his holiday home in Venice. Or do whatever it is he does with all my money.

Teeth

I have to say it took me a few days to get used to the teeth. I haven't seen them since October 2008 and they were kind of startling at first. Almost two years in braces!! Shudder at the thought. She tells me she has forgotten how to smile. But she was looking forward to eating some KFC without having to spend the half hour afterwards picking it out of her braces.

In what turned out to be even more thrilling news she got her P's yesterday. And she's bought herself a car. She's loving it. She went for about six drives last night.

At the moment she's down at the showground. She drove there and its only about 70 metres away.

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Have a Seat July 5, 2010

There is a place we like to go to at Ettalong, which is on the Central Coast of NSW.  It's a bit like the Tardis. When you pull into the car park it just looks like a small Motel on a corner block. But once you step inside you could be lost in there for months. When the kids were small I was never game to let them roam off on their own. I always thought they might slip through a crack and never be seen again. There are little stairways and walkways leading to unseen tempting locations.  Really it's a kids wonderland. They have a pool there. It's like a roman baths. We saw it once but never managed to find it again. One day we were looking for it and walked through a door and found ourselves in a cinema.

There are about eight restaurants in there and every weekend there are markets as well. You can walk to the beach and the Pub and the rooms are cheap. And you would never be lost for a place to sit. Every where you look there is a chair or a bench.

It's a very weird place. Every time we leave I wonder if it actually existed at all. I always imagine that as we drive away it just disappears.

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Making Headlines July 3, 2010

Our not so little vomit bug has hit the news. Apparently it is sweeping the region.

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Already in our house it has dealt swiftly and firmly with me, my daughter, daughters boyfriend, my son and my best friend. Daz is thinking of running away but I told him he might as well just resign himself to the fact that he's going to get it.

They say it started in the preschools. Dirty little kiddies not washing their hands properly and then spreading the love.

I always keep a bottle of antibacterial hand wash in my handbag but I think I'll go get a couple of pump bottles and keep them around the house.

Last night I had my first meal in four days. Yay, I'm back.

I'm hoping once you've had it, you're immune.

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In My Opinion May 28, 2010

You know just because you have an opinion about something it doesn't mean you actually know anything about it.

Country life, love it or hate it, pros and cons, yadda and nadda, one thing I have discovered this week is that every man and his dog in this town has an opinion about my daughter leaving school. And they feel quite free sharing it with me. And her. Mostly in voices that seem to be limited to tones of grave disappointment or hefty doses of sarcasm and implications that she's stupid in some way or destined to become an unemployable delinquent.

Actually I have a terrible confession to make.

One of my daughters best friends works at the chicken shop. GASP!!

I know, she serves people and gives them chicken.

And I know its probably hard for a lot of people in this town to believe, but she's funny and smart and loyal and gorgeous. I'm soooo over people who think that the world ends if your kid doesn't finish year 12 then go to University. I mean someone has to sell them their bloody chicken don't they. Oh thats right, as long as its not their kid. No wonder so many kids are found hanging in bloody trees.

You know we didn't make this decision in one instant. She didn't come home one day and say – hey Mum I'm really unhappy at school can I leave? And I said – ok.

It was thought and fought over for a long long time. There were tears and tantrums, there was pleading and begging. And that was only my side of the story.

This was given a lot of thought and consideration and the decision was made by myself, my husband (he played a very small role) and my daughter. When it came down to it, her happiness and wellbeing is whats most important to me. She's been out of school now for three days and she's already worked two of those, been to one job interview and applied for another. AND, her bedroom is clean.

So I don't appreciate adults making snide remarks to my young daughter and I certainly don't feel they need to break into tears in front of her and tell her it was only 85 more days to go.

It's nobody's business and I'm certainly not going to give them an explanation.

Why do people love to get into everyone elses business anyway. They must have pretty dull lives. Maybe they should be paying a bit more attention to their own kids and stop harassing mine. 

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teaching May 3, 2010

I'm fed up with teachers at the moment. Except the two who are my best friends. Oh, ok, and Flamingo.

So far this week Lizzie has had her english teacher call her a – stupid little bitch – because she wants to drop out of year 12, and the deputy principal pull her out of assembly to tell her that she – sticks out like dogs balls. And that it's her laugh that lets her down. Really, who knew it, a good laugh is a bad thing.

Here in Australia we have Captain Starlight. He's part of the Starlight Foundation, which is to do with the Childrens Cancer Council. He's a funny guy. Thats his job. To make kids laugh. So he was at our school, doing a song and dance and he said something funny and Lizzie laughed. So this teacher pulled her out and told her that cancer was no laughing matter and that she was to write a one thousand page essay on why cancer was not funny. So Lizzie told me she was – taking a stand – and not going to do it. So the teacher said if she didn't do it she had to do three days after school detention. And I said you know what, no. Thats enough. No not funny cancer essay and no after school detention.

She also has some battle of the wills going on with her science teacher. Its like this teacher wants to break Lizzie. Crush her spirit. But I'm not that worried yet. Lizzie is not the way she is by chance. She comes from a long line of pig headed, determined bastards, and if Miss Bitch teacher doesn't watch out she'll end up rocking in a corner in a straight jacket.

A couple of things she has said to Lizzie. In front of the class.

I feel sorry for any children you may have. This was because Lizzie refused to clean up makeup that another girl had spilled on a desk.

I hope my daughter doesn't grow up to be anything like you. This is because her daughter is also called Lizzie and I guess Miss Bitch wants her to grow up to be a mean, ugly, nasty little bitch.

Oh and there was the time the PE teacher told her she was – a waste of space on the netball court. That was special.

Look, I'm not one of those parents who think their kids are perfect. And I know teaching is a tough job. But they chose to be a teacher, and thats not even really my problem. My problem is that they are the adult. And they need to start acting like one. Humiliating a 17 year old girl in front of the class is not the way to go. Calling her names, judging her, thats not appropriate either. Not one of them has spoken to her and asked her if she's depressed or having problems or being bullied or why does she want to leave school when she's always been a top student previously. (Don't worry, she's not being bullied. But I think most Year 12 kids are probably depressed and stressed to some degree).

Over the years we've had some fantastic teachers. Most of them actually. And Lizzie will do anything for them. She wants to do well for them. Because they treat her with respect and they have a sense of humour and they love teaching.

I haven't stepped in yet. But its getting close. She likes to deal with things on her own if she can.

Lizzie really wants to drop out of school. And I don't see it as the end of the world. Sure its a shame, but a lot of pressure is put on kids here to do well in your HSC exams. People act like its the end of your life if you don't do well in them. What annoys me is that if she does leave, these teachers will say she's a stupid girl and it's a waste of a brain and whatever but none of them will ever think that they may have played a tiny part in her decision.

Like I said last night – I'm the only one who gets to call you a stupid little bitch thanks very much.

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mothers day April 27, 2010

I know Mothers Day is coming up because the brochures have started rolling in. Full of special gift ideas. Lots of awful and useless things that Mum is sure to really not ever want. We don't do Mothers Day in our little group. It always seemed a bit stupid to me. I know my place in the family. It comes somewhere just below the dog. But thats ok. No seriously thats just how it is when you're The Mother. Before I used to do anything, make any plans, I'd have to take into consideration everyone elses plans. Did someone need to be driven to a doctors appointment or a sporting event or training, was there a thrilling assembly at school I needed to sit through, would the school band be playing, (please god not Tequila again), did Betty have any pressing appointments, did I have to get to the office to do some boring invoicing or quotes, things like that.

Of course its easier now that two have left home. Although I did notice that they both had dirty washing in the basket on Sunday for me to do. And one of them still seems to come here and eat a lot. I even caught him rummaging through the freezer the other day looking for food to take with him because  – he didn't have any food at his place. I said – Lloyd, thats why god invented grocery shops.

But they all really know that I'm top dog around here. And that I don't want any gifts because I hate stuff. I don't want anymore stuff. Books don't count as stuff.

However if you think your mother is a big fan of stuff, and doesn't have enough of it, and you can't find just the right piece of ugly stuff to give her for mothers day, I think I have just the thing. This little bit of functional clock art just showed up this morning in a newsletter, and I'm thinking a few mums might wake up on mothers day to find this little beauty wrapped up for them.

 

 

Clock

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learning new things April 23, 2010

After spending a few days with my daughter I've learnt a few things.

I've learnt that the people on The Hills seem to be fairly boring and useless and I've learn't that if I have to listen to Spencer dribbling on for another day I'll track him down and kick his annoying arse.

I've learn't way more about The Kardashians than I hope I'm ever going to need to know. Oh dear, poor Princess, the lost chiwaawaa – that was tragic though.

I've learn't that there is someone actually called Hank Baskett the Third.

I've learn't that The Time Travellers Wife dvd was better on the second viewing but still disappointing after the book.

I've learn't that The Lovely Bones was a much better book to movie adaptation and very true to the book.

I've learn't that one girl can eat a lot of tubs of chocolate yogo.

I've learn't that the face can swell to fairly enormous proportions.

And I've learn't that V does not stand for Victory as I always thought, but for Vomit. This came in the little pack they give you when you leave hospital. The V-Bag.

 

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V-bag

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anniversary day April 22, 2010

Today Daz and I have been married for 21 years.

 

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We usually forget all about it. I usually remember about two days before then again about a week later. And we don't do presents, although I must be getting close to some of the good ones. I think its because we've been together for about 25 years so we don't really count the marriage day as the anniversary day.

The only reason I remembered today is that today is the day Kimba had to have her four wisdom teeth out. ouch. She won't be looking like this today.

 

Grown-up

 

Daz went to the hospital with her and tells me she looks a bit like Lizzie did when she had hers out. Basically a bit like she's been hit around the head with a cricket bat. So he's bringing her home for a couple of days so I can look after her. So tonight on our anniversary night, I'll be sleeping with Kimba in our bed and he'll be on the lounge. Sucks to be him lol. We don't have any spare beds because Lloyd will be home as well. Full house again!

Kimba was at our wedding. She's 22. So she was a bastard child. No, really. When we got married we received a letter from the Births, Deaths & Marriages sayingg – That this notice was to inform us that the child ……….. has been legitimised. So that was nice. I've put it in her box of special keepsakes.

 

Wedding-day

 

So I'm off to the shops to stock up on ice cream and custard and soft noodles for her and I'll throw some sort of anniversay dinner together for us and grab some snags for Lizzie and Lloyd. I think I'll make something like this. Inside out salmon sushi, vietnamese prawn rice paper rolls and I'll do a mushroom spread instead of the capsicum I think. I made this for a girls night last week.  I wish there was one of these sitting in the fridge at the moment actually. Feeling a little peckish.

 

Sushi-plate

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driving Miss Lizzie April 9, 2010

Well she's driving me actually.

We drove to McDonalds yesterday as planned and I think we caused the biggest backlog of traffic in the history of NSW.

It was all good on the way there because there were plenty of overtaking lanes for people to get past. But on the way back there were hardly any and one of them was blocked off having road work done.

So Lizzie laughs and says to me

There are a lot of cars stuck behind us.

And I said – just ignore them. And she said – oh they don't bother me, but there's a LOT of cars behind us.

So I looked back and my god they seemed to go on forever. But at least the guy right behind us was sitting back and not riding right on our arse. Like most people do. Like if they get up there and hassle learner drivers they might go faster. I always figure that the people who sit back have their own kids learning to drive.

Yesterday we had a semi so close to us it reminded me of that movie Duel.

Anyway, when we finally got to an overtaking lane 38 cars got to go past.

It was pretty funny. Can just imagine the people right up the back, they'd be saying. Whats going on up ahead? I bet its a bloody L driver or a caravan.

But Miss Lizzie remained cool and calm and her merging skills are excellent.

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another universe March 5, 2010

I was sitting at the kitchen table with Lloyd yesterday and he said to me

do you know our universe is expanding?

and I thought he said university, so I said,

what, yours?

and he said

well I think we live in the same one

I wonder sometimes though because this morning I was lying down and he walked past and I said

there's nothing to do

and he said – are you bored?

and I said – yes

and he said – well why don't you do some housework

jesus I said, you've turned into your grandmother – she always came up with brilliant ideas for me like cleaning your room as a cure for boredom

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