I have finally decided to deal with this globus. Or try to anyway. If thats what it is.
For those who haven't heard me bitch and moan about my throat over the years, don't worry, I'm about to do it again.
I have to constantly clear my throat. I would do a throat clear about every 20 seconds – all day, every day, for the past 3 years. It constantly feels like there's a lump of spit or phlegm in there that needs moving.
But apparently this is all in my mind. The doctor thinks what I have is Globus. It used to be called globus hystericus back in the good old days. Because mainly women get it and the greek word for womb is hysterus. And they thought it was caused by anxiety and depression so they called it globus hystericus. A woman with a womb is a crazy dangerous animal.
Basically this is what it feels like all the time. It can really wear you down. Not to mention it annoys the crap out of anyone you live with. I was doing a bit of research on some forums the other night and a woman was saying she had considered suicide rather than live with it. I can't say I'd go that far but there have been times when I've wondered how I'd be able to put up with it for ever.
So after doing the doctors run – ultrasounds, barium swallows, camera swallows, I ended up at the speech pathologist. Because if it is globus it's basically a habit that I need to break. The more you do it, the more you need to do it.
So she said to count how many times a day I did it, and say it was 100 times, then the next day only do it 90 times, the next day 80 etc. I didn't dare tell her I'd be into the thousands in case she put me in a straight jacket. She also said instead of clearing to do a hard swallow as it was more gentle.
But I never really believed it was globus. Because I'm not anxious or depressed. I always wanted to put it down to a food allergy or dairy intolerance or something. But I know now that you can get it from GERD or GORD and after that whole suspected heart attack incident before christmas, which was probably I suspect a heart burn incident, well maybe I can believe it.
So, I started yesterday. Because I figured its only my own mind playing tricks on me. I should be able to beat it.
So I'm not doing the counting thing. Because that would be tedious. And frightening.
So I'm just not throat clearing anymore. I read on a forum that a guy beat it. He said every time he wanted to throat clear he had a sip of water instead, or did a hard swallow.
Yesterday I drank about 8 litres of water.
He said it takes about a month.
Its very very very hard though. Without doing all the thorat clearing I feel like I'm about to choke. On all that imaginary stuff. Feels like its just building up in there.
But I think I'm doing really well. Even though I feel like I have a cramp in my neck from all the internal gripping and swallowing. But I've only done a couple of sneaky clears. And I've made them as gentle as possible.
And I'm not game to open my mouth to talk to anyone. And my tongue feels enormous for some reason.
A months seems like a very long time.
Maybe now that I've confessed that I'm a hysterical woman with my womb stuck in my throat it'll just go away.
But even if this doesn't work I have a back up plan.
My doctor told me just before christmas that they are now injecting botox into the throats of people with globus to relax the muscle. Externally, thank god.
It was possibly the happiest day of my life when I heard it might be able to be fixed. And I will definitely look into it.
But I want to beat it myself if I can. That evil little brain of mine can't control me.