You've gotta love Centrelink.
No, really. Once you get past all the anger and frustration.
For those of you not in Australia, Centrelink is a government run agency that hands out money to the unemployed, single mothers, struggling university students, that sort of thing.
That is if you pass all the eligibilty tests. And can provide every pay slip and receipt and in general any piece of paper you've ever received since you turned 16. And if you have a few days to trudge though the endless paperwork.
But I thought they might throw some money my way for Lizzie and Lloyd for education expenses.
So I logged on and the first thing I noticed was a message telling me that from now on I was going to be able to handle all my secret questions and answers. Which I thought was big of them. Considering they are my secret questions.
You always have to be careful with those secret questions. You can't make them so secret that you can't remember the answer. Because I did that once.
So I start the application and one of the first things they want to know is how long I've been in a relationship with my partner. And they want day/month/year.
What can I say. Um, well it was sometime late in 1984. It wasn't too long after a toga party we went to with another friend and my then boyfriend. He got totally trashed and the last we saw of him he was running off down the street into the darkness in his underwear.
So probably a Saturday. I had to guess that one. I wonder if they check it against a previous application I've done.
Then I click on the – how many dependents do you have – arrow, and it goes as far as 29. It went further but I didn't want to know how far it went. I had visions of the old woman who lived in a shoe trying to claim child support.
And my favourite part. Where you had to pick your title. I must say I felt very ordinary picking Mrs when these were some of the options I had.
Air Chief Marshall
Thats as far as I got yesterday. I haven't even reached the serious parts yet. Where I have to disclose every tiny detail of my life and beg for the money.
At the moment I don't even know if I can be bothered.