They don't make it easy to leave the country. Getting a passport approved is a long and stressful process. It all starts with the hideous passport photo then evolves problem after problem from there.
Actually I'll be surprised if we're allowed into many countries. We look like a family of psychotic axe murderers. Especially Lizzie. When I look at her passport photo it scares me. She looks like her name should be Rebel or Roxie, and she looks like she'd come around to your house and mess you up bad if you crossed her. I'd put a copy of it up here but she probably would kill me.
And the forms you have to fill in. All those little boxes that you have to stay within. They give you this tiny little box to sign your name in and they get out rulers and measure if you're a fraction out of the box. So much pressure.
But today we had our interviews and we passed (so far) even though there were a few problems. I knew there was going to be one because my second name, which is Madeline, was spelt Madeliene on Lizzies birth certificate and my marriage certificate. Pam said to me
you haven't put your middle name on Lizzies application
noooo, well there's a reason for that – and I just thought I wouldn't put it there and you wouldn't notice and we wouldn't worry about it
So some dickhead at the Births Deaths & Marriages has obviously decided my name needed some sparking up and added an e. So I had to sign two declarations stating that and that I was really known as Madeline. All this fuss I said for a name no one uses.
So then we moved on to the guarantour part of Lizzies form that Jem had to fill out. Pam said
She hasn't put the e on the end of Lizzie.
Well can't we just add one?
But then I looked over and said
oh, and she's put Lizzies middle name is Cat, not Alice.
But luckily we had a spare with that page filled out correctly. The rest of it was no good because my pen slipped when I was signing and I went out of the magic white box.
But then – also on Lizzies – Jem had to sign a box saying she'd witnessed mine and Daz's signature, but because he'd just dropped around to her place and got her to fill it all out she didn't actually witness me sign it. So when I pull out my pen and go to sign Pam says
Oh, you can't do that
She has to actually witness you do it
Ok, I'll just race around and sign it in front of her then
Ok, I don't really care what you do once you leave here
So I went to the chemist and had a look around for about five minutes, signed the form and went back. Then daz started with all this chit chat about what was Jem doing, was she still in her pyjamas, why was she at home.
I just glared at him and said
Will you shutup, I didn't really go around there!!!
But we did it. And hopefully we don't hear from Pam again and our shiny new passports will turn up in the mail.
Thailand or bust.