I'm in shock.
One of my worst fears has been realised.
I am a grandmother.
Yes, my filthy little harlot of a sixteen year old daughter has a baby.
And she has called him Rodney!!!!!
Here he is. Noisy little dirtbag.
I think he's asthmatic.
Probably be up all night with him with breathing problems.
Yes, this little honey is living with us for the long weekend. All the girls who do childcare get a him or a her for a weekend in the hope that it will scare them away from ever having children.
It's worked for me already and he's only been here for four hours.
Lizzie told me I'd have to pick her up from school because she – can't carry him all the way home. So I went to get her, and rodney, and watched her struggle up to the car with him in a capsule, a backpack on her shoulder full of nappies and clothes and other baby essentials, her school bag and folders. She put him him the back seat, jammed him in the door, threw herself in the front seat and declared herself exhausted. I rolled my eyes and said – he hasn't even been activated yet!!
So at 4pm he was bought to life. Lizzie wears a bracelet and every time he cries she has to wave the bracelet under his sensor to show that she has tended to him and he hasn't just spent the weekend at the bottom of the laundry basket.
You have to try to feed him or change his nappy or rock him. And you have to hold his head up as well. And sometimes he might keep crying. For no reason at all. Imagine!! And he's not predictable either. He doesn't cry at a nice regular four hours or something. he just goes off randomly.
It is going to be very very strange waking up in the middle of the night to a crying baby. That hasn't happened around here for about 16 years. Something like that could really mess with my head.
But oh funny days. Joys of small town life. I'm sure the rumour that Lizzie has had a baby is already spreading around town like wildfire.
See Lizzie asked Daz if he'd drive her and her boyfriend and baby Rod to the pizza shop. So Daz was waiting in the driveway and one of our neighbours was walking by and he said she saw Lizzie walk out to the car with her boyfriend and this baby and that she almost fell over trying to get a good look.
Almost worth a couple of sleepless nights.