I've just been for a massage. I'm afraid I don't find them as relaxing as they're supposed to be. It begins when I have to get undressed, but she only gives me the minimum time required to strip and run to the table before she comes in. I've become very thrifty in my dressing on these days – no non essential clothing to be worn. Then she gets her titanium type hands and because I go for lower back problems, begins kneading away near the top of my arse on these pressure points that feel as if they have a nest of green ants living in them. And it's not very relaxing. And even though I know I don't (because I check) I have this moment of fear when I wonder if I may have toilet paper stuck in my undies. And I always hope that if there is, she won't mention it and we can pretend it's not there. But it's all over now and the back feels good.